At first, I was gripped with tremendous fear. I've done lots of theater auditions, and they have always terrified the life out of me. Once I'm in a role on stage or in a film, I'm perfectly comfortable, but it's a very painful process to get there. That's natural. Most people hate auditions. But FEAR isn't necessary.
2 Timothy 1:7
"...for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."
When we are fearful or stressed, it's a good sign that we're not trusting God. I kept reminding myself, "God is in control here. He has a perfect plan for me, and He will give me the roles He wants me to have. He will open the right doors. I just need to do the best job I can."
Still, I was having a hard time not being stressed or afraid. This was the first time I would ever have stepped into a room and performed in front of professional casting directors. I had read some articles and paid attention to information about what to expect and how to conduct yourself in live auditions, but I still felt very unprepared. There were questions that weren't yet answered.
You don't want to know how many consecutive hours I spent sitting on my bed the day before the audition, reading every article I could find on the subject. How to connect with your character, how to conquer your fear, how to perform well in spite of a bad reader, how to exude confidence, how to take command of the room, how to make eye contact and establish a personal connection with the casting directors, how to enter and exit the room, how to slate before the audition, etc. etc. etc.
I learned just about everything I could about what to do and what not to do. Feeling more prepared helped dispel some of the fear and the worry, but not entirely. Then, as I lay in bed praying that night, God convicted me that my mindset was completely wrong. I was thinking of it in selfish terms. I was focusing on ME and all the reasons why I wanted the part. It was just a small part, but I would get to have a speaking role in a movie, and I would get another credit on my resume and IMDb page, and I would get to have a dialogue on screen with my friend - the leading actor and rising star Andrew Cheney - and I would get paid (which would be a tremendous blessing right now!). Lots of reasons why I should feel a huge weight of pressure to ace that audition!
Phillipians 2:3-4
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."
As a filmmaker and an actress (and in everything I do), I want live and serve for God's glory. Not my glory. For me, making films isn't about just having fun and simply providing entertainment. It's about advancing the Kingdom of God. I desire to fulfill God's purpose for my life, not to pursue vain dreams and selfish ambitions.
Instead of focusing on myself, I needed to be focusing on God. Instead of focusing on why I wanted a role in the film, I should have been wanting what was best for the film. This is God's movie, and it will proclaim a fantastic Christian message, and what's important is that the right people get cast in the roles to make it the best film it can be. And that's something that God will take care of.
Psalm 16:33
"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord."
All I had to do was show up and make myself available. Like reporting for duty. "Okay, Lord, I'm available if you want to use me!" So with an incredible sense of peace from my adjusted perspective and corrected mindset, I drove to the city the next day and gave the best audition I could. Yes, I was a little nervous. Nerves are natural. Embrace them. But I wasn't crippled with fear. I didn't feel sick to my stomach like I usually do before auditions or solo performances. I felt quite calm and relaxed. I walked in with confidence, smiled and greeted my audience, delivered my two lines of dialogue, then smiled, said thank you, and left when dismissed. What I had spent a day and a half preparing for (and two or three days worrying about and dreading) was over in a few short minutes.
Greatly relieved, I stopped in the hallway and chatted with James, the young man who was signing everybody up. He had recognized me from a student film I was in last Fall (which his roommate directed). We talked for a while, then my friend Chip (who had flown in from Washington state to be Gaffer on this film) walked down the hallway, and WE talked for two to three hours! Chip also worked on "The Widow's Might," "Ace Wonder," and "Beyond the Mask." (FYI: a Gaffer is in charge of lighting.)
This is where it gets good.
For a long time, nobody else came to audition, so the people in the room came out and stretched their legs from time to time. One casting director touched me on the shoulder as she passed in the hallway and told me I did a great job. Wow! How encouraging! Quite a bit later, while I was still standing there talking to Chip, the other casting director walked up to us and asked in surprise if we knew each other. I explained that Chip and I had worked on "Beyond the Mask" together, also with Andrew Cheney! We chatted for a few minutes and then she said, "You did a really great job in there." I thanked her and admited I was pretty nervous because it was my first live audition. She replied, "No, you did a great job. You came across as very sweet, warm, and nurturing, which is exactly what we're looking for in the role."
Soon after auditions were over that evening, I was called and asked to come in this week as a background extra. So I didn't get that speaking role. But that's okay! I still get to be in the movie, and God blessed me with overwhelming encouragement from the casting directors! I did well in the audition and I was talented enough for the part. After that, it comes down to who has the best "look" for the role. I wasn't the right fit. Somebody else was. And I'm excited for them! And I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to learn, grow, and be encouraged.
So here are some key things to remember when faced with an audition:
1) It's not about you, it's about God
2) Casting directors are normal people and they're on your side! They want you to succeed!
3) Be confident, smile, relax, do your best, and have fun!
4) Lean on God's strength and remember that He will open the right doors
Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me."
No comments:
Post a Comment